My Virtual Diary

Would you believe that I wanted to cry myself to sleep because I was depressed for no reason at all on a Tuesday night after a boring national holiday-Monday?  Or maybe there was a reason but I just couldn’t figure it out.  During my worktime, I craved for Baileys Irish Cream.  I checked at 7-11 but to no avail.  I checked the pantry for a can of beer but there was none.  I was told that maybe there’s still gin.  We checked but the gin was gone.  I was looking for something alcoholic because I felt like my heart was filled with fats, oils, grease, cholesterol and I wanted to burn them.  But mind it, I am not a drinker.  I was just waaaaaaaaaahhh.  I wanted to go to the gym but I didn’t have my things.  I wanted to fire a gun but it was not practical.  I wanted to play drums, neither it was practical.  My friend suggested to me that we play paintball, badminton or I venture to photography as relaxation.  But duh, I didn’t realize that I rejected all of his suggestions until he told me so.  I took a walk along Ayala Ave to head to a newly established resto.  Unluckily, it was already closing hours.  Huh?  Weird.  Until I settled at a nearby MacDo.  I was tired walking anyway.  With a 4-inch stilletto, who wouldn’t be tired?

I couldn’t think of anything sensible that day.  Even a pure carabao’s milk candy from Cagayan Valley was a topic I opened to a friend and even thought that what about a pure mommy’s milk candy, what will its target market be?  Then my friend rode on with my silly and trivial question.  He answered, “Of course, daddies.” 

Early afternoon I requested another friend of mine who’s in Palawan to come to Makati the next day to have lunch or coffee with me.  Yeah, she’s indeed coming but lunch or coffee is postponed. Hay buhay.

This is the kind of boredom one gets when workday is sedentary with not much intellectually-stimulating emails and if the person experiencing the boredom is an energetic individual. 

On a Sunday filled with silence and self-contemplation, I am able to retrieve my old stuff and memories and rediscovering old thoughts. 

Just the other Sunday, the last Sunday of July, I contained myself with ever delicious Thai food in Greenbelt and sipped a glass Tia Maria which I and my mom used to drink at home up to my tertiary school years aside from the Black Label, Chivas Regal and other wines kept at home.  But hey I didn’t grow up as drinker ha.  J   I got also the chance to help someone shop for baby/kids clothes and toys.  I just like the task.  I enjoyed it until it led me to playing the little mittens and booties being displayed imagining my own baby wearing it.  It’s just so cute!  Hehe.  It turned out that, yes, I became a tour guide to my colleagues.  Rare are men who know what to buy for babies.  Hahaha.  I don’t have yet a baby but I have a knack on choosing things for them.   Oh that was one week ago. 

Hours ago, I dropped by the barbecue store of my neighbor and mingled with two friends for a few minutes (like a local version of a ‘Paris-street-dining’).  Hahaha.  My boredom and homesickness were lessened then.  I haven’t gone home to Pampanga na eh.  I missed sleeping on the queen-sized bed in the guest room or sleep in my cuzns’ room or just lie down in the living room or make muni-muni on the rooftop focusing my sight to Mt. Arayat.  I also miss playing with my niece in the airbase.  Her term of endearment, “Ate Dahling” and her acrobatic requests make me miss her much. 

Urban living is one thing I like but, yes, it makes me sick sometimes.  A fast-paced work environment is what I dreamed of since I was a kid.  I want to run the race aside from just dwelling on a laid back life.  But I always have the yearning of the following matters: rest, sleep, eat, vacation, home, recreation, socializing in the countryside… yes I am open to it. It’s my inherent inclination. That’s why I had a quick travel to Cebu-outside-the-city weeks ago to dive in the middle of the sea to my heart’s content!  It has been one year na that I haven’t visited that place where I stayed for a very substantial time.   I am a countrywoman from Mindanao and I am proud of it.  I was born and raised in a place surrounded by rainforests and seas.  A place where almost everything can be availed for free (aside from the goodies found in the fridge)!  I remember the impression the Kundirana group had when they visited our school.  They said, “Wow, trees!”.  Hahaha.  Not known to many, our place is a source of prawns and native durians and we supply other cities of these goods. 

Oooops.  Did I confuse you here?  Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao?  Hehehe.  Don’t be surprised.  I am a Filipino of Visayan descent.  I can be everywhere.  J 

On the sad side,  the situation in the southern seas is not so appealing to the common.  But for me and for those who understand what I’m talking about, it’s normal seeing war tanks run in a highway.  It’s normal filling your car with them in a gas station.  Following the war tanks or driving ahead of them on the road or on taking turns on passing an on-goingly renovated one-lane road or stopping at checkpoints for inspection is a normal day-to-day encounter.  But being caught in a crossfire or being killed is not normal for me!  Goodness, God forbids!  I still have lots of things to do in my life!  I am not only speaking for myself but also for the many innocent and potential youngsters out there.  Others are underprivileged na nga of access to sophistication, education, employment.  Worse, ma-deprive pa sila sa life nila because of blood-shedding conflicts that have nothing to do with them.

Domestic security in our country is not getting better in some aspects.  Tight security occurs right after a damage has happened and not before it happened.  So it is just right to persuade someone to travel right after an incident because it is now safe.  Hahaha.  Sounds silly but the logic is actually happening.  However, it’s not a guarantee to help boost tourism industry, is it?  It will only bring up paranoia among travellers.

What economic development is being brought here?  What happens to the ratings that my clients, Standard & Poors and Fitch Ratings gave to our country?  An average Juan doesn’t even feel it. 

Victory in battle is not determined by how many bullets you can pump into your enemy’s body.  It is how you tame his heart.  Give these enemies jobs, livelihood, education, infrastructure, good leadership, etc. and they will return it with deep gratitude, not bullets.  How can unity be achieved if we keep on defeating each other?  Bloodshed is an old-fashioned means of achieving victory.  Look at those presently-war-torn countries.  Look at war-offensive U.S.  Are they progressing? 

I am simply peevish on the lack of sensibility of some of our leaders.  Some of them need to undergo or re-undergo values formation.  It’s 21^st century.  Why not make use of the rushing adrenalines by turning it into something productive.  Being domineering and inordinately ambitious is sometimes not workable.  Why not strategize another?  What happened to our leaders?  Or do we have perspicacious leaders in the first place?  Are our intelligent public leaders gone?

I cannot avoid to question their shrewdness in strategic planning especially on the recent Basilan incident.  I quote the line of a young officer on combat duty saying that there were snipers everywhere.  Of course, what do you expect in a battlefield?  My goodness, they should have known and anticipated!  Was there a good tactical ek ek?  Then now, pinning down the beheaders is being worked at.  I think this will do no good.  This will only aggravate the ill-feelings of the enemies of the state.  Arouse them.  They will keep on hostaging innocents.  Arouse the innocent.  They will be wary.  And then everyone will have no conscience.  Just note that a person who is aroused has no conscience.  Then the pinning down of each party will have no end because everyone has no conscience.

Yeah, it is easy to opine but I also ought to know where do my taxes go?  Where do businessmen’s and corporation’s large taxes go?  Are we ultimately getting what is due to us in terms of national security?  What economic attraction can we pride where in substance or in reality, it’s not safe to do business in other places.  I agree that it is only fair that business and employment be spread throughout the country because, on the other side, making the metros denser and denser is also not healthy.   

Looking from top view, our security problem is only internal.  Nde pa ma-solve-solve?  J

Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done… and the devil keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, boomerang, etc.)…whatever it is…You need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing. He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven.   And what’s most important is that you have forgiven yourself.

All of us have mistakes, frustrations, failures, problems.  It is in our hands on how long we let other people make a slave of ourselves. 

Here’s something to be pondered by those who keep on pinning us down because of our past.  You yourselves also did something shameful in your lifetime be it big-time or small-time.  If you have forgiven yourself, you would understand and accept other people for their existence and respect their being a person.  Otherwise, you have a problem to be dealt with by yourself first. 

I think only mature people understand what I mean and they choose to just shut up not because they are clueless but because they have respect. 

I just needed a simple lunch to feed my hunger this past noontime.  Na yari tuloy ako sa date ko.  Imagine kung eto ang mapapangasawa ko.  Tingnan nyo below ang report.  Binigay nya saken to after kaming kumain.

Kung pag-aaksayahan ko lang ng panahon ang pagkwekwenta na to, nde lang ang report na to ang gagawin ko.  Gagawan ko pa xa ng personal household basket ko at meal trends ko since 1997.  Ipapakita ko pa sa kanya ang forecast at actual data ko.  If possible, ayaw ko na accountant ang mapapangasawa ko.   Hahahahaha.

1. Kissed someone on your featured friends?
- Cya or sila nagkiss saken.  I just returned the favor.  Hahahaha

2. Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? 
- nung hi grade skul po.

3. Been arrested? - nope

4. Kissed someone you didn’t like? - nope

5. Slept in until 5 PM? - yep

6. Held a snake? 
- yep.  (any other kind of snake?  hahahaha)

7. Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?
- hmmmm, yes

8. Laughed until you started crying? - yes

9. Sat on a roof top? 
- yeah, i painted our roof sa bahay. 

10.  Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
- nope, try nyo, damay kita  =)

11.  Broken a bone? 
- It was not a bone!

12.  Had a gym membership?  - yeah

13.  Felt like killing someone? 
-  especially when i’m firing!

14.  Cried over someone you loved?  -  yeah

15.  Shot a gun?  -  yeah

16.  Still love someone you shouldn’t?  -  nope. 

17.  Do you consider yourself creative?  -yes   

18.  Dream guy mo? 
- drinawing ko na po sa langit.

19.  What’s your opinion about long distance relationship?
- ok lang as long as you trust, respect and love each othah.

20.  Have you ever taken a relationship with sumone u didn’t like?  - nope.