What’s with August? Is it like saying “I knew what you did last August”? Wala lang.
o o o o o O O O o o o o
Being trapped by double standards is often a difficult dilemma faced by many of us. An obvious example is the thought of following what the heart dictates because it will make you happy and the thought of following what the reality dictates because it will help you survive and please the relevant others. The latter argues na “aanhin naman ang heart mo kung wala ka naming panggastos.” The former, too, argues “aanhin naman ang pera mo kung nde ka naman masaya. How can you make others happy kung nde ka naman happy sa sarili mo?” Quote and quote – Examples are those who take nursing degrees or caregiving courses even if they secretly want to be educators or engineers. They take these courses only for the chance to go abroad and get paid well.
A lot of people live according to what pleases others without realizing that they will end up what other people desire and not what they really want to be. Sadly, they lose their unique identity which gives rise to their dignity as persons. To be honest, I was once (one-time-big-time) trapped in this situation: living according to what pleases others. Not that I took a nursing course. I never did because I fear medical courses. I had a different story. Submitting yourself to a situation that is against your will? brainwashed? threatened? forced? being controlled? guarded? and followed? It got me paranoid (and even until recently). In fact, I can still be myself without being put into this. I can still be responsible to someone, to something or to myself without being into this. I can still contribute something without being into this. So why block my personal decisions when I can be effective without being into this kind of submission? Staying in an environment where you obey first and never complain? C’mon. I am a human being, not a robot. I am not a soldier; I am me. I am not a push button machine; I have my own thoughts. How would I know what is life like if I lived just like that? If they say I was not alone, my patience couldn’t tolerate it anymore. Enough is enough.
So what was then the effect of my “imprisonment”? Of course, the need of freedom arose. I looked for my unique individuality. I knew beforehand that it’s a process. But at least I have overcome the biggest thorn of it. So it’s a matter of “paninindigan”.
Then what did I choose? Take charge of my own life or allow other people to decide for me? I chose the former. Should I have chosen the latter, I couldn’t imagine more how much my regrets would be. My choice involved great risk and danger. Albeit it involved such, I still took it. Now I am glad I just did so.
Writing is not the consequence of the above. It is neither my passion. Blame it on technology, instead. J
