We all have victories. We all have pains. We all have experiences. We may have similar victories, pains and experiences. The wonders of our adrenaline prompt me to write what I’m feeling right now. Plus the inspiration I got from the experience of a younger friend. I credit to my younger friend some words, phrases, sentences and concepts that I will be using in this blog. Coincidence brought us to similar experience. That is why the blog is entitled parallelism.
They say I am too much of a good person. Yes I am; I was; and I will be. I have been impliedly told of that by the person dearest to me 4 years ago. That quality is natural of me. But once I get back to my senses, you’ll never really know what’s going on inside the veins of my brain. There is that sword burning in red, ready to be used. ‘ Yes. You. Perhaps it is more comforting and safer to refer to YOU in the third person.’ In English, FYI, "you" is used in 2nd and 3rd persons. So don’t get me wrong. I have considered you a friend since the earliest time I knew that you exist. Then eventually a true friend. So much admiration I had on you. You have common sense, imagination and memory. However, you don’t value friendship. You used friendship to get your desires. Yes desires.
I forgave you for being a liar. I took a step to correct my feelings until I have accepted your flaws, your condition. I gave you my tolerance. I saw you cried. What you were crying for affected me too. You had my comfort. If I am the one who’s grieving, you don’t care! I didn’t have your comfort. Instead, I had your questions that were hard and numb as boulders! I don’t know if I can still count on you when it’s my time to grieve! You didn’t even exert an effort to know why I am acting like this? You have been thinking that I am alright? You knew that I was not alright. Perhaps you’ll innocently say again, "Bakit nde ka nagsabi sa aken?" . Then you put the blame on me? Is that what you call a gentleman? That’s bullshit! You traded our friendship for something that you will "take advantage of". Today my cellphone rings and it’s you calling. I don’t acknowledge it but I texted you instead. Now you ask for something as if nothing happened. You knew that I was upset by you. That’s again drop-dead bullshit! You thought that I don’t sense it, didn’t you?
It’s nice to know that you were there. Thanks for acting like you cared. I once manifested that I was hurt. Hurt by you. But you didn’t care. You don’t listen with your heart. Oh yes, you had a heart at first because you were just starting with your motive. I knew it. A good friend is one who doesn’t judge me, fix me or tell what I should do. At times a good + true friend will talk to me and graciously point out a fault but no matter what, he/she will stand by me. But you corrupted me!
Now I have figured out why I was drawn to you. I just thought that you were someone else. Reciprocally, maybe you too. I hold back a thing and you hold back a thing. But there is just one thing I thought you have. It’s respect. Respect despite of my weaknesses. Don’t fool me of your seemingly logical reasons because those are not reasons of a gentleman. That’s bullshit. Remember ”when there’s will, there is a way’? You had a will on something else but you had no will to keep the friendship. And you reasoned out of "time constraint"? Oh come on. Be a man. Don’t be dumb and don’t think I’m dumb. If you think I am, that’s because I allowed myself to be dumb for a while and you were put under observation.
I know and I foresee that we will still see each other on our 30’s, 40’s, etc etc. It is supposed to be warm and nice if we could still be friends. But it was your choice not to treasure it. I am just waiting for your effort. My silence and numbness are only petty hindrances compared to those that you have encountered.
If you know about the "thinking-out-of-the-box" concept that I shared with you, then you know it’s You I am referring to. I pray for you.
